Ahoy matey!! Hijacker Somali Pirates: We’ll Fight to the Death Before Surrendering to U.S., Russia

MOGADISHU, Somalia — A group of Somali pirates who have hijacked a tanker loaded with military supplies say they will fight to the death before giving in to Russian and U.S. authorities.

The superpowers have been unable to end the standoff and remain concerned that the ship’s cargo of 33 tanks and other weapons could fall into enemy hands.

Argh, I can’t believe there still be pirates in the waters….

“If we are attacked we will defend ourselves until every last one of us dies,” Sugule Ali, a spokesman for the pirates, said in an interview over satellite telephone from the ship.

Woah… Wait? The pirates have a spokesman? Seriously? That takes away a lot of the street pirate “cred”. Just like there is no crying in baseball, there are no spokesman in pirating.

You don’t see quotes like this: “The financial crisis has had a big impact on our bottom line,” said Abe Blackbeard, Pirate accountant. It’s because you can’t be kick ass pirates if you have spokesman and accountants..

Wussy pirates are not cool. They are starting to let me down.. I used to favor them over Ninja’s. But now I think Ninjas are on top!