ChrisNeuendorf.com

[Live from St. Louis Airport]

William Walsh, you are a douche, sir. You wife goes missing and you stand up in front of the cameras begging and crying for help to find his missing wife.

“I miss her more than anything,” he said, noting her dedication as a teacher. “She loves her children. She wouldn’t just leave them. Something had to have happened.”

No shit! Something did happen to her, you douche, you killed her.

Enjoy the rest of your life in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

p.s. Douche…

Somebody needs to get fired….

I hate the f’ing squib kick.. Always have. Stupid Ass Bears played like crap yesterday, but when it mattered they stepped up and drove down the filed to take a one point lead with 11 seconds left to go.. Game over.. Right?

WRONG

The F’ing squib kicked it and gave Atlanta the ball on like their own 45 yard line or something then all they had to do was throw some medium pass and BAM, they are in field goal range and kick the winning kick.. Game over.. Some turd Bears coach costs them the game.

WHAT THE F*CK WAS THAT!?!?!?!?! They have a kicker who has kicked a 65 yard field goal… The bastard can kick.. why would you stupid squib kick it???!?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!?!

I’m pissed as hell, and I HATE THE GODDAMNED SQUIB KICK… IT IS SO GAY!

I had the feelings suppressed, for months it ate away at me. Instead of talking about it… instead of working through my feelings, I instead buried it down deep inside of me, hoping to never think of it again.

Then the season premier of South Park came along, and with it all those feelings came flowing back.

A friend of mine was raped, and I did nothing about it. I kept quiet.. but no longer.

George Lucas and Steven Spielberg raped Indiana Jones this summer. I knew it at the time but chose to bury those feelings. However Matt Stone and Trey Parker made me remember with the season premier of South Park on Wednesday.

Wednesday night’s South Park outing pushed the envelope and then did all kinds of god-awful things to it, with a recurring joke in which uberproducers George Lucas and Steven Spielberg repeatedly – and in the style of some classic film scenes, a la The Accused and Deliverance – sexually assaulted an unwitting Indiana Jones.

Haha, holy shit was that one of the funniest episodes I have ever seen. Not only was it kick ass funny, it was 100% true. Aliens? Seriously? Indy hides in a refrigerator at ground zero of a nuclear bomb test, and the refrigerator is thrown like miles through the air and lands and he comes out unharmed? Seriously? At the time I just let is all slide. It was a new Indy movie, it was all I could think about… but no longer….

You #$%^& raped him George and Steven!!! I won’t stand for it anymore!! Actually, throw Harrison Ford in there too for agreeing to that god awful script.

What’s also great is Comedy Central is owned by Viacom who also own Paramount Studios. Paramount owns Indiana Jones. They were unaware South Park was going to unload on them.. Muhahaha. Suck it Paramount.

Long live South Park, and long live Indina Jones 1-3. I will never own or watch the 4th.

From what folks have told me, and from what I’ve read, history was made last night… Worst. Debate. Ever.

Duh, I could have told you that.. it’s down to two bumbling idiots who have more in common then there are differences. Which is good as neither one will f*ck things up too much. (We’ll leave that up to Congress and their 7% approval rating.)

It reminds me of the Futurama Episode “A Head in the Polls” where the head of Nixon runs against two clones for President of Earth… Transcript below..

[One of the candidates, Jack Johnson, begins the debate.]

JOHNSON
It’s time someone had the courage to
stand up and say: “I’m against those
things that everybody hates”.

[The other candidate is John Jackson.]

JACKSON
Now I respect my opponent. I think
he’s a good man but, quite frankly,
I agree with everything he just said!

FRY
These are the candidates? They sound
like clones. Wait a minute. They are
clones!

LEELA
Don’t let their identical DNA fool you.
They differ on some key issues.

JOHNSON
I say your three cent titanium tax
goes too far.

JACKSON
And I say your three cent titanium
tax doesn’t go too far enough!

FRY
If I were registered to vote, I send
these clowns a message by staying home
on election day and dressing up like
a clown.

There you go! Follow Fry’s advice!

Here is a clip from that episode… I know a few people who would be interested in joining the ‘Dudes for the Legalization of Hemp’ party.

Remember the old days when all we had was NBC, ABC, CBS? (I realize you young bastards probably don’t remember that…)

Well I do, and this time of year really sucked ass in the old days.. A presidential debate would be on and your night would be ruined!!!

Not tonight baby, debate starts at 8, so I can watch NCIS at 7. (Some folks can watch House also on at 7) Then take a break, play with the kid, put her to bed, then watch ALL NEW SEASON PREMIER OF SOUTH PARK!!!!!

Woo, new South Park tonight baby!!!! Long live cable TV!!!!

Check out the Hitler Obama Youth.

Poor kids, putting hope in a politician. They will only know disappointment.

Get Rid of Etholnol Subsidies, please. McCain is for it actually, and has been for a long time. Obama, unfortunately, is not. Obama’s national campaign co-chair is Tom Daschle, the former Senate majority leader and longtime ethanol booster. Daschle serves on the boards of three key ethanol companies.

Corn Ethanol is a joke, they say it drives up the price of food. Next time you are at the store, check out the ingrediants of, well, just about anything. In it you will find plenty of high fructose corn syrup.

Ironically, the wailing about man-made greenhouse gas emissions completely ignores the fact that ethanol actually contributes more carbon dioxide to the atmosphere while, at the same time, decreasing the mileage per gallon of gasoline.

Yep, it pollutes more, and it lowers your M.P.G. Most folks do not know that little fact. Don’t even go near E85. That will kill your gas stats.

(more…)

Dalai Lama in da house!!!

The 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet has accepted an invitation from UNI [University of Northern Iowa] to visit campus for a day of celebrating education and the pursuit of knowledge. UNI is working with the Dalai Lama’s North American Representative to secure a date.

I’d like to go and see if I can get a hold of some of that deathbed total consciousness stuff!

It can cause sleep disorders, difficulty with equilibrium, headaches, childhood “night terrors” and other health problems.

Yes, I’m talking about wind turbines. Or at least that’s what Dr. Nini Pierpont says.

Dr. Nina Pierpont of Malone, N.Y., coined the phrase “wind turbine syndrome” for what she says happens to some people living near wind energy farms. She has made the phrase part of the title of a book she’s written called “Wind Turbine Syndrome: A Report on the Natural Experiment.” It is scheduled for publication next month by K-Selected Press, of Santa Fe, N.M.

Is there some merit to this? I have no idea. I’m not a doctor and I did NOT stay in a Holiday Inn Express Last night. Could be a case of NIMBY, I dunno….